Funny

Isn’t it funny that we are so willing to go miles and miles for the one that we love and yet we end up lost ourselves. I thought I knew what love meant. But I thought wrongly. Stupid people like myself tend to be lead into hot soup by going back to comfort which happens to be the person who does not love me back the same way. He is hot then cold. He is probably not even sure how I fit into his life so I am just a damned spare part. I hurt until I can describe the saltiness of my tears and the pain in my heart. The tears have a subtle bitter taste that lingers in my throat which burns my eyes and puffs up my cheeks. The hurt in my heart knocks the breath out of me and forces me to sleep before it makes me hurt myself physically. It’s like a physical pain that I cannot cure nor ease. I can’t bandage it nor apply oil nor down pills to make it go away. And even as he drifts away from me, I cannot tell him to come back. The voices are telling me he doesn’t want me anymore. He’s already tired of toying around with me. He’s leaving me when I should have left him first then. He wasn’t the best in people’s eyes yet he was oh so perfect for me. He doesn’t even see how much he means to me as he is packing up to leave all of what we once shared together. Love is not an amazing feeling. It is pain. So much anguish and terror. It has left me broken and empty. It has drained me of emotions. It had created someone who cannot love another. It had created a cheater. It had created a monster. It had created me.