Constant Struggle

I’ve been having issues with my weight since maybe around 12?

At 12, my routine was using my bus card to buy McDonalds.

At 13, I entered a mixed school and was teased for being fat.

At 14, I still didn’t understand why I was being teased for being fat.

At 15, I wanted to be skinny too and started to run.

At 16, I was having so much insecurities I caved in but was average.

At 17, I was one of the fatter ones in my CCA squash and had a hard time during training.

At 18, I had the desire to be skinny, really skinny.

At 19, I was skinnier and wanted to go down the scale some more.  

At 20, I was skinny, trained like mad and just traced my bones to sleep each night.

At 21, I gained so much weight I cried about my weight bitterly so many times.

At 22, I was in a constant weight battle from the high to the low on the scales.

Now, I’m just a broken mess of numbers.

I’ve defined myself by numbers.

And it won’t go away.

But oh wells.

It’ll pass.