Youth

 It's been a long time since I wrote anything. Im not gonna be a liar and say hey, Im okay! It's all getting tougher but I believe so yeah. I believe life is going to be better. I don't know what I'll turn into. But I will be. ♥With Love

I sat there crying. I sat there upset. I sat there angry. I sat there tired. I sat there silent. I sat there stressed. I sat there pressured. I sat there waiting. I sat there listening. I sat there crouched. I sat there falling apart. I sat there bursting. I sat there. I just sat there. I just sat there feeling ignored. ♥I sat there.

This is not normal. LOL. I've been obsessing. And surprisingly, I've been happy. HAHA. SCREW YOU BITCHES WHO TOLD ME I CAN'T BE HAPPY! 1. War. Mostly it's the true accounts and it's interesting. Especially Iwo Jima and Korean War. 2. Big Bang, Korean band. Let's say they're just so different from any other bands in the world. 3. Coffee. So Imma search for the best place for coffee. Seriously. The smell~~~ 4. Hair colour. HAHAHAH. EMERALD GREEN BABY<3 span="span"> 5.  Lyrics. Good lyrics are seriously a complete <3 span="span"> ♥Like A Boss

 Let's be honest. It's the start of the holidays. And I hate every inch of it. Im annoyed. Annoyed that all I ever wanted has become a big blotch of nothingness. What's squash to me now? It merely helps me to distress and feel better. But when I hate someone there, I lose it. I get fucking mad at how they infiltrate the space I call comfort. If you think I am fine, you thought wrong. I am happy. Happy on the inside. ♥We are merely humans. Remember that.

So go ahead and lie to yourself, and pretend that you're a ray of light, when you're a broken candle, you're keeping time with yourself, when did it all start moving way too fast, for you to handle, you're short on breath but heavy on time, you lost the words but you found the rhyme, it's all just poetry now. ♥Paradise Fears

My birthday is otw but lyk.. I dont want it to come know? Cos apparently, I have CSAS test on that day. 25% >.< ♥Dammit

 I must say.. You stole my attention and even when I try to ignore you , I can't:( You 're different you know that? You 're smart, funny, talented, fun &  mysterious. You are my motivation for the upcoming term test and I hope that you would continue to motivate me. It's weird and all but really, truly, you 're an amazing person. Never fail to make me smile during trainings. I know that Im just angsty and all in front of you most of the time.. Im sorry for that. Aha. & yes you , I like you . ♥ Aish..

Im feelin vexed. Makin no difference in life. So fucked up now.

Have a little hope.

What if i found a guy and end up getting abused by him? Im so gullible, so naive, so tainted wif emotions that could kill. Im so scared to step out of this little box of mine. Afraid of being loved. Afraid that this demon inside me will kill me. I don't really know what's that one thing that would get me to stop what i've been doing for so long. I can barely trust anyone. Sometimes i just wanna be alone but i know it's not possible. Sometimes, i jusy feel lyk throwing my phone away and shut the world out but i don't becos i feel this responsibility to take care of ppl. What is wrong wif me right? I dont know. I doubt myself honestly. I see myself as a gonner.

Words. Kill me again? Dammit.

I wanna feel safe. I wanna feel lyk everything's gonna be okay. I know that some things ARE gonna be okay but I also know that it's tougher than me right now. Im weak and I know I am. I hate how people perceive me as that strong one. IM NOT STRONG. Go away fear. Why am I so scared now? What's this? Why is it always me? I wanna be okay. Why can't I be.. ♥With Love

Im a cow and im happy:) if you dont lyk me happy, too bad. Gonna cut my hair and rock my attitude=D screw you haters and gossip queens! Hah! Im stronger then ever. Yesssss!

So am i truly alive world? What did i do to deserve this feeling? Im not even alive in my own eyes and you do this to me. Im not angry. Just really tired. Everything's just crashing down on me again. What can i do now? I can barely face myself. Do you think im a bitch whose crazy? Well, here's an update for you, im more than insane. Im fearful and i can't stand myself. Dammit.

Went out with Ad<3 Met my bestie at his workplace and it was funny:) We ordered 2 eclairs, a cheesecake and a cookies and cream smoothie. I guess this is where I say my life is changing for the better. I admit, I've had a rough time finding my true identity. But hey! It was worth the pain and all the craziness. Im going to be real honest here, to all those whose been hurting me and talking behind my back, SCREW YOU. tyvm:D ♥xoxo

I dont know how long i'll live anymore. Im so reckless that i just dont know what i could possibly do. Im broken and beyond repair. What else can i do? Everyone's just starting to hate me..

Im not sure what to do from here. Quit? Im not sure who to turn to anymore. I don't even know what Im actually doing right. Prolly nothing. Im not even sane. Im ranting here cos I know no one bother to read this. What have I got to lose in life? Everything. I've lost every part of me to stupidity. One year ago, I started and now, I can't even stop for the person that means so much to me. Now, I don't even know how to feel. It's like I wanna be hyper forever and ever and ever. I don't wanna face this cold and forever haunting world. I want to see myself go far but my heart says no. I want to know what it's like to lie on a hospital bed and wonder how much it'll hurt the people I once loved. How can I be so selfish right? I don't know, like really, Im pissy and no one likes a pissy friend. No one likes any friend that breaks promises and can't even stay coherent for more than 10 minutes. What is it with me? I need someone to shout at me, slap my fa

Its not just the breathing that gets tough, it's also the living part.

I cant see myself in 10 years time. I dun fancy living that long. Sigh.

I have no reason to be upset but Im. I always am and it sucks. I feel like closed in. Like... Like nothing seems right anymore. I want to scream. Shout. Cry. I don't know what's wrong. Home seem so austere. I have a pretty decent life. I have no idea why. This. Always. Happens. To. Me:( I really dub have the heart for anything right now. Im losing it. This real close. No kidding.

I hate how my life changed and everything making me wanna go back to square one:(

I wish so much to be okay soon. Im completely burnt out. Tired. Feeling like an insane person. In between okay and insanity. Sigh.

I hate being late. I have this thing against lateness. Yeah. But ironically, I was late for my first interview but I still got the job (luckylucky) and was actually early for my second interview :D I guess I hate being late. I have this obsession of getting things that I want to do willingly right and doing them really well. Yeah, it's like an ongoing obsession that I just realised. LOL. okay, I'm getting random. ♥With Love

Im disappearing.

I couldnt sleep. I haven't been sleeping well at all. At first, it was the "maybe staying up would help me feel better" then it became the "i cant seem to fall asleep at all" or the "my sleep is always disturbed". I want to fall asleep, wake up fresh the next morning and just smile. But no. Stupid moments like tossing and turning in bed does NOT help at all. It makes me feel all lethargic and sorts. Yes, there is something completely and utterly wrong with me. It's been tough. I just want to be me again but that'll mean losing friendships and sorts which totally sucks. See, all this is getting difficult for me. Veryvery tough on me. Okay. Yup. Uhhuh. Trust me, it doesn't end there. Heh. Other awful stuffs are happening in my life and i cant stand this anymore. My road to recovery is in no way going well. Im hurting more than recovering. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

It comes back. It hunts me down. Every single time Im up, they'll tear me down. They takr away my sanity. I dun think I'll EVER be okay.

It's like Im being followed. It's like it hates me. It's like it wants to break me into pieces. It's like nothing actually matters anymore. It's like I wanted it all to happen. It's like I deserve all this. It's like... It's all falling apart and no one believes me. They try to help me out. They try and try but I just can't. It's pulling me in It's taking control of me. It's how no one really wants to know me. They can't. It'll hurt them too, Im hurting people. Too many people. ♥me

I buy guitar picks for people when Im upset or wen i feel like it.

Hi world, im a screw up. I have no idea what's wrong wif me but who cares right? And by the way, i know how much people hate me. Stop telling me. But thank you very much for hating me. It makes me a better and crazier person. xoxo

I hate this. All of this. The stupid choices Ive gotta make. The annoying people Ive actually met. The insane hurt I see around me. The charade put up. The scary lies. The upsetting truth. The fact that I don't matter. The tears, The fake smiles. The harsh reality. The feeling like I just want to fall. The anger that lasts forever. The secrets you still keep. The pain you're going thru. The endless apathy. dammit. I cant do this. Not now. Not ever. ♥Why?

Im taking a break from internet. ♥With Love

Im always like this at night. When the sun goes down, Im a sleeping being. The higher I get, the faster I fall. I want to know what's wrong. But I don't want to. I want to text people and tell them all my troubles. But I can't bear to see them hurt. I hate how weak Im. I want to hide and keep hiding. I have no will. No power. fuckthis.fuckit.fuckisay.fuckhowthisfeels.fuck.fuck.fuck. ♥silence is deafening

♥My best 3 pixs during holiday :D

What if i told you i dun have the strength to fight? What if i said i give up? What if i won't get back up again? What if...