Youth

When I see myself in the mirror, I see a liar. I see a person that doesn't care about herself anymore. And worst of all, I see a person that doesn't belong. I label myself by believing what others say about me. It's not that Im weak, becos I know I am. But it's becos I'd rather be weak then hurting. ♥With Love

I went out with my bestfriend, Ad. It may sound all boring but I realise how much we've changed. She's changing for the better while Im still figuring out what to do with life. Heh. We had a great job, an awesome boss and one heck of a bunch. We may have sailed further apart during the holidays but that never stopped us from being who we really are on this date. People may have considered us to be a pair of idiots running around in Orchard and letting our hair loose but isn't life for living? We had dinner at BBQ Chicken at night. Me, Ad, Khairina, Firdaus Macho, Azwan Mummy & Heikal. There we a lot to be learnt like how NOT to jinx the workers>.< I was saying that the sauce bottle would drop & break but end up all of them did>.< And how NOT to trip over the Christmas tree and look all flustered about it:) I guess going out with them helped me a little. Help me stop being so pessimistic all the time and help me to understand the true nature of human

I used to think that I will be fine. That the day would be fine. I won't lie but I do act. I act really well. I can smile and be happy when all I really feel is apathy. It's different. I am different. No one sees it except me. I keep tripping on myself. I told you the half the truth cos the other half would hurt. It will hurt you then maybe you'll hurt me. If I had a choice, I would do a lot with these hands and these thoughts. Some days I want to quit, quit everything that i've ever tried. "No, I don't wanna be in love anymore. Cuz I don't wanna lose you These memories used to mean, Everything to me But I can't, No, I don't want to be in love anymore. I can't stop what I can't stop and I I don't want to be in love anymore." - Lets Get It - Maps lyrics So you don't understand what I'm writing right? Well, neither do I. I'm just trying to filter everything out of my brain. Get it out and scream it out if I could. But gues

People. Humans. They are so fuxked up. Why are there so many people looking at me? What is my sin? I know what i did this year could land me in imh but please, dun do this to me. Im dying inside and i hate this feeling. I tried my best to hang on but once again, im falling apart. Take me away, just dun do this to me. I cant be alone. U know wats going to happen. Why? U know. This is mental pain. You KNOW i can cope with physical pain so wat do u want from me? I cant breathe becos u keep doing this to me. YOU'LL KILL ME ONE DAY. you're just waiting and i'm just trying im gonna gamble with life cos HOPE HAS LEFT ME.

Maybe Im not the perfect being but hey look, stop hurting us. Im not sure of your intentions but a black heart won't go far. Im sorry if I had crossed the line but you crossed mine first. WHY.MUST.YOU.DO.THIS.TO.ME? Do you know how much I hurt while you wrap everything so perfectly? Im not sure what im supposed to learn here. I thought the year would end with a bang but thanks to you, fuck it. I know I'll try to make it end with a bang. I WILL. I don;t want your syizzles to disturb MY YEAR 2011. Maybe you'll get what Im trying to say some day. But today, you've just ruined my day. ♥unsure of my reason for living.

I am super confused now. There are feelings mixed and people blended together. I think it's just wrong but my head says it's so right. It's hard to get by when there are two. One not available the other not caring enough. But I'm glad to know people care. My friends don't think I'm a bitch and I'm happy for it:D I guess Budak Times made my life totally different. I used to be this insecure girl but now I know how to let go:D Budak Times consists of: Azwan, Didien, Faris, Firdaus Cute, Firdaus Macho, Heikal, Hidayah, Khairina, Li Ling, May, Me, Natasha, Syafiqah, Radin, Tze Xin. *sorry if I missed out anyone>.< But love those guys and girls, they made my year 2011 super special:D ♥xoxo

OHMYGOOSE! It's so ironic how life makes an AWESOME TURN:D I WAS working at Times at Parkway for the warehouse sale:) I met a bunch of CRAZY people but they are AWESOME tooxD Syafiqah, Hidayah, Natasha, Li Ling, May, Marilyn, Tze Xin (aiya, we friends so long already...haha), Jun Hao, Kennard, Didien, Firdaus macho, Firdaus cute, Faris, Radin, Azwan & Heikal:D We all didn't know each other before this but that's fine. We all got along fine. WAIT. Better than fine, perfectly:D We all had our moments of frustration and sickness but we ALL got through itxD The jokes cracked and words like 'alright~' gets to us and we all start to bond magically. Our boss, Pappa Guna is also FREAKING awesome. He always look at things at our perspective. I'll NEVER regret working here no matter how tiring it is:D Working there had taught me that there is more to friends than just being friends. Being friends means being able to fill up the awkward moments and also bond in a way t

Do you hear my heart beating? I think it's all rasped and painful. Words people used to makes me smile lingers and crushes me. I'm not angry, tired or engrossed but suffocated. Work doesn't help much either. All I know is that my emotions are on random. It's like on iPod and always stuck on shuffle. I think my brain has taken over. It chants words into my head which lead to destructive behaviour. People don't get me cos I've an everlasting charade acting out in their eyes. Would anyone accept me for who I really am? It's really not the fear that haunts me most. It's the hurt. ♥Lies that grabs at me.

Heh. Meeting Tze Xin later. I LOVE catching up with her. It's been so long since I really sat down and think. All that WAS in my head was answers. LOL. As is answers for papers. Now, I'm coherent again! OHMYGOOSE! I read my diary, texts and etc and realise how time flies. & some interesting stuffs tooO.o Yeap but I guess soon, that'll be the thing of the past cos world, I AM SUPER FLY :D ♥With LOTS of Love

Yesterday was the best night of my life. I finally had the courage to walk up to him, (Ad helped though>.<) But I finally came to realise that life is not that tough after all. It is we, humans that make is so difficult. I'm taking one step at the time for everything right now. I cried this early morning (12-1am plus) after receiving Mais's text. Life is so fragile. I've overlooked so many things until last night. I want to be who I really am. The high, happy but true friend. I don't want to be the girl always hiding. Hiding from the truth and all. That's just BS. The feelings for every single one in that hall last night was: LOVE. I love every single one of them becos we've been through so much. Yeah, I may not even know some of them. but it's what we shared in common that matters. It's how we cope with life that matters. It's how we treat the people dearest to us that matters. Love is a feeling that should be shared. & now, I can start an

Tell me, life, why must you be so unpredictable? I thought life is simple but what is the point? IT HAS NO POINT. I WALKED IN THE RAIN TODAY AND JUMP IN EVERY WATER PUDDLE! I FINALLY REALISE o'S IS OVER!!! ♥With Love

I'm smiling wide cos I'm done. I've finished my O's so it's AWESOME rite now. I'm keeping track with life fine. I'm gonna have to make sure that I'm able to quite ready, quite ready for grad night:D ♥With Love

I've gotta keep strong cos the journey is coming to a close soon I guess trying my best does not give satisfaction Knowing that I'm done, gives me the satisfaction Come on! Let's do this:D ♥With Love

I'm so difficult now. Everything is so screwed. SCREW LIFE! ♥With Much Hate.

I can't stop thinking about you. This is so weird cos I've never really cared bout you for a long time. All the studying may have clouded my head. You're really different because you're unique. I like to run to escape and I guess that's why I like people who keep fit. I was running for the bus today and the bus captain told me "Wah! You run very fast you know? Very fast!" and I was like beaming. So I guess today I'm lovesick. Words cannot describe wat I'm feeling. You shine the light and my life looks so bright and dreamy with you. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ♥xoxo

I've gotta study. STUDY> STUDY> STUDY! ♥With Love

The prelims just ended. O's is drawing near so I'm suppose to be mugging. But no. I started using Tumblr again. Then addicted to Twitter then just hanging out at Facebook. Yes. There is absolutely something wrong with me. School. I'm not sure what to look forward to anymore. Friends. I'm not careful that's why I got hurt. Love. I don't give a fuck. Me. I'm never going to be okay at this rate. ♥If only you knew

The anklet is nice and I've been wearing it since the first day of Hari Raya. I'm gonna keep wearing it (even to school) until I've fulfilled my promise and then get a new one. ♥With Love

It doesn't matter where I am becos I know I'm safe. It doesn't matter where you are becos you're brave. It doesn't matter how life works becos that's a mystery. But through it all, you'll always be my friendly shadow. 我喜欢你 . Saya Sayang Kamu. Je vous aime. ♥xoxo

I dunno how retarded I look in tis picture but I really lyk it. Happy Birthday to Tiffany Ang Jie Lin. I really #appreciate how everyone came together^^ Xin, you're still my life saver. Thanks for helping LOTS(: Today was simply unforgettable. It was like REALLY playing Amazing Race. I LOVE how Christabella was so enthu & how Anisa was soooo rushing. Haha. But this was a DAMN good day. I've not been out since lyk FOREVER. This was an AWESOME fun. & also to Xun Kai, who was lyk taking this picture(: ♥With Love

There's the little smile. We humans, are ohso fragile. We let ourselves belittled by words. I let myself die. I let others blow my light away. But if this all we've got, we'll keep holding on to it. Listen to me sir. Cos love is a feeling in disguise. Love. Hatred. Anger. Truth. Sadness. ♥With Love, Love, Love, Love

You know those tears you shed, those which tastes so bitter? Do you feel the hurt? I'm really lost this time. I need to find my way dammit. ♥almost

I'll be back fine. That, I promise you. One day. Someday. ♥xoxo

sweet 16(: tyvm to sisters for Reese chocolates, red Toshiba 500GB hard disk from 1st & 2nd sis, ..... from third sis & to the world for this AWESOME day(: ♥Love y'all

can't post the pictures in order. SORRY! ♥With Love

Ten things I like/like more du ring June Holidays (other than my awesome sisters and my family and my lovely besties): 10: ANGRY BIRDS. They're actually pretty cute! Saw this in my dream. Dreamt that all humans angry birds and they're our life points>.< 09:BADMINTON! Haha. I played with some of kid neighbours and sister & got obsessed over it all over again. 08: FERRIS WHEELS! They're just nice(: I wanna go on one some time soon... 07: PENGUINSMr Poppin's Penguins made me in LOVE with THEM! Adorable aren't they?! 06: SMURFS! Its coming to the CINEMAS! 05: CARE BEARS! My eldest sis bought all 4 of us care bear handphone tinkles so I LOVE them thanks to her(: 04: BURBERRY! It's my #motivationtostudy! 03: JUSTIN BIEBER! Lol. He's kinda grown up yeah? 02: HARRY POTTER! I HEARTS IT!!! Waiting for the movie release.

Let's go to somewhere only we know. ♥when nothin's going right, go left.

Ok. There's the hwk. There's the fun. There's the #motivation There's the sleep very early in the mornin' There's the being super random like crazy. Yah. So yeah(: That's about it. ♥There's no in betweens

BURBERRY ©Burberry ( from http://uk.burberry.com/store/ ) ♥#motivation to study(:

Life has a face. It hides behind masks and expect you to find it. Life has eyes. It looks at your innermost desires. Life is life. On its own. ♥yeah...

When there is so much to take in, let them all out. I really do not understand where things went wrong. There are so many tears shed right now. People around me are getting emotional. I admit. I'm also as emotional... Results: lyk effyouucccckkkking. yeah(: ♥With Love

EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVERRRR! I got the chance to be me for the exam period - me! It's really cool that I can actually survive with less than 5h of sleep for the past two week or so! & I'm grateful to the people around me for helping me through some twilight times. OHOHOH! & YESH! I also got a chance to stop slacking! haha yeah. results would be syit la. BUT, worry later, take BREAK now. Hehe:) ♥With Love

Goodnight, goodbye. I'll always know who I wanted to be. I'll always stay grounded I swear. ♥xoxo

Don't contradict my words. Gosh, you are so unoriginal. wtf. ♥I'm not me. I'm her.

1 ) My life is effed up. 2) There are hypocrites around me. 3) Backstabbers and bitches. 4) My maid is only coming home on the 12th. 5) My self-confidence is a goner. 6) I can't fulfil my wants for now. 7) No one really cares. ♥That's why i die a little inside.

1) You smile. 2) I'm doing well in terms of academic achievements. 3)'Cos I can run. 4) My sisters pamper me. 5) My besties are AWESOME. 6) I have never gotten detention before. 7) I'm still alive. ♥that's why I SMILE(:

I admit that I am a sensitive kind of girl. I take words to heart more than not. I can remember things kinda easily. I am also an open kind of person. If you won't tell me what's wrong with me, Don’t. But don't judge me by my words. Becos words alone do not show a round character. I'm going through a lot right now. Its okay if you don't give an eff but, Don’t push it. Do you have to torment me this way? I would never hate a person for no reason. I loathe you so much right now. But I know not to judge a person. Letting people in had killed me. I’m not sure where to go from here. Am I being melodramatic? It is becos I’ve been through hurt. Physically, mentally and maybe, even when I’m dreaming. At night, I sit up thinking about life. I think about how privileged I am. I think about how much I’ve tried and ran away. I think about dying. I don’t want pity from these words of mine. I just want to be IGNORED. Don’t kee

You that rolling my eyes dun signify I'm ignoring you. Is what I'm saying making your head go round? Well, it doesn't. Sometimes, I saw the wrong things. I act out of turn. I annoy. I lie. but there is nothing wrong with imperfections. becos they bring out love from another. Some other kind being would love you for your imperfections And languidly, I'm being pulled down. I'm saying goodbye. I can't do anything? According to you eh? ACCORDING TO ME, I'M OKAY. ♥Everyday I'm shuffling!

MYE is drawing closer. I'm gonna study... i think. I've been thinking a lot these days... When everyone has shut you out, would you be willing to try again? When no one knows you're there, would you make them acknowledge your presence? When you know what is life, that is when you are really dead. ♥be brutal with words.

Yesterday was speech day. I'm not sure why but I was hit by a train somehow. My brain was somewhat telling me smth. You know that feeling that you've not done enough? I do. & yesterday, I was motivated. Again. Motivated by the unexpected turn of events & moivated to come back again next year I want to feel satisfied with my capabilities I will study. pay attention. be less caring (as if more ignorant sort of thing...) There are also other changes I would make. yeah... HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY DIANA! ♥Honestly

I'm trying not to die inside. You're worth that much. My friends, mt family & people that I know care. ♥munch

I know myself as one whose emotions are stronger than her being. Honestly, I know I have a lot of flaws. I've tried to change but I realised... Not all of the changes are for the better. When people notice this change, they approach me. Ask me. Question me. Interiogate me. But words are foreign to me nowadays. I can't seem to tell even the ones dearest to me I'm confused about myself. I know people care but if I can't, I can't. I'm going to keep still and silent until I know what to do 'cos rite now, everything's a whirlwind of a effuseeking mess. ♥why?

I am amazed at my level of insanity. I love Mr Paddington Bear(: ♥With Love

in 1 second I want to say smth so bad; goodbye. ♥you left without a note, without a word, without notice.

I'm craving them. ♥sweet lil tooth

I want to be able to reach out and touch a soul. I want to inspire another with just being honest. I want them to see me beyond the eyes of others. See me as who I am. I am human. I am a teenager. I have every emotion a person could ever have. But I am also different. I look at the world as a kaleidoscope. In a different nature than others. Some people think I'm a crank. But truth be told, I am just a little more special. I can't say what I want to say. I show much difference in my life. The way I live. The way I WANT to live and the way I am risking my ownself for all the syits that I'm going through. But let's open a new chapter. Let's hear our own cries. Don't worry another. Be sure of yourself. Understand. Do. ♥never expect the unexpected.

I have so many doubts about me. I see an empty canvass and I say, 'what a pity' An elmo is a really adorable creature. No pity is self pity. Self pity is SELFish. A lie is a lie till death does in apart? Hell no. Humans are forgetful. I'm too(: I need a new friend. haha. CRAZZZZZZZZZY^^ ♥xoxo?